To the Graduates of 2010...

I was extremely surprised, honored & flattered when I was asked to be the commencement speaker at my high school alma mater's graduation this year. My first reaction was "I guess I will but if you find someone else better by all means I will understand!" It wasn't that I was necessarily fearful of the public speaking aspect-I do that enough with work that I'm used to it. I didn't really feel that I was qualified or accomplished enough. But the Senior sponsor and Headmistress assured me that they wanted me-a graduate of the same school and someone the kids could easily identify with.

Well...I would think of little tid bits that I could say as I lay in bed at night. My mom found some old graduation devotionals and even a letter I had written to my brother, Christopher, when he graduated from high school. I didn't really tell a lot of people but my mother was so proud so told everyone! So I started getting little pieces of advice here and there..."this is what you should tell them, this is what I'd like for them to know, etc. etc." I give presentations all the time so truthfully, I wasn't too worried-it would come together soon enough and I had other pressing projects.
Well, then I found myself the week of and although I had some ideas I had yet to put anything on paper. When I would try to get started, I just got so confused. It was the first time probably since college that I couldn't collect my thoughts and get organized on paper. Its easy to make gather my thoughts when I have a power point and I have the topic and I'm talking about work but for some reason I was having a hard time trying to organize my thoughts and decide what I really wanted to say. What I really needed to say. I knew I could either panic or pray. So I prayed. A lot.

My sweet husband listened to me and helped me out--I just love his honest criticism because its what I needed most. "You sound like an old person there...keep that part in, just shorten it up some, etc." He was the only one I let read my drafts and I took his advice to heart.
Finally, the words came and I knew my message needed to be simple. I wasn't a pastor so I didn't need to preach. I wasn't a comedienne so I didn't need to be funny. I wasn't a lot of things commencement speakers typically are but I was a graduate. I had been in those seats before and I was now standing in the "real world" having learned many lessons in the meantime. So that is what I decided to needed to speak about.

The speech went well (although I did fumble on the word "articulation"... I mean, seriously. What a word to mess up!) and so many people were gracious with their compliments after the ceremony. What absolutely shocked me was the reaction in the following days. I had people that I was merely acquainted with or never knew at all send me messages on facebook or stop me at lunch or even say something to my family. I was absolutely flabbergasted that people would go out of there way to let me know they had enjoyed my words, that they had really listened and they were inspired in some way.

Which leads me to this post...NOT to brag, I promise!!! I have hesitated for a long time for that very reason. Several people have asked me for copies of the speech or said "I sure wish I could send that to my son/daughter/grandson, etc. In fact, many people asked if I would send a copy to our local paper for them to reprint it. Well, I am just not going to take it upon myself to submit my speech on my own.

It has been almost three weeks so the graduation ceremony and I am still getting requests and compliments so I decided I could post a copy of my speech here, safely on the blog where all my other words and memories are kept. I guess it may be nice for my daughters to have this one day-I will probably need to remind myself and them of some of my advice!
So here it goes...

PLA Commencement May 20, 2010

"A Reality Check for the Class of 2010: What the Real World Wants You to Know"

Thank you. Mrs. Sikes, Graduates, Parents, Faculty and Staff and distinguished guests, it’s a great honor to be with you tonight.

I know that typically, Commencement speakers are pastors, politicians, successful CEO’s or military heroes and at some of the larger universities, even celebrities. Well, I am certainly not any of those things. As I look at this crowd, I recognize that I have been asked to bestow wisdom and give encouragement to the children and grandchildren of those that have taught me. I realize that I am speaking in front of people I have worked with and even work for. I have Sunday school teachers and community leaders here that I admire and value their advice. So you can imagine the predicament I find myself in here at this podium, knowing that many of you are wondering what in the world I can say that could possibly be anything new, different or inspiring that they haven’t already heard before.

Well, possibly that is why I was asked to speak here tonight. I have been in those very seats before- listening to my commencement speaker-who I can’t tell you who he was or anything that he said. I probably heard things like “the world is yours, go find yourself and these are the best days of your lives…”. And I was inspired, I was excited and I was ready to get going. I thought I had it all figured out but I quickly learned that all of those little cliché sayings make for a nice Hallmark card but really isn’t quite what the truth about the real world. As I embarked on my new adventure called life, I got what you might call a reality check. Tonight, I am cracking some of those clichés we often tell graduates and want to offer you some truths that the real world really wants you to know. So here goes…

Reality check #1, this is NOT the time of your life. At least I pray for you that it is not. It certainly is an important time in your life, but don’t let this be it. There are people you have yet to meet, places you have yet to seen, lessons you have yet to learn and feelings you have yet to feel. That is, if you allow it.

When I look back at my old yearbook, there are inscriptions like “never change, stay just the way you are.” I thank God that those naive little notes did not come true. Don’t misunderstand my point. I look back on my days here at Pike fondly. I am thankful for the education I received and for good teachers and coaches and opportunities that taught me what character and commitment and integrity was all about. I still cherish friendships I made and have tons of albums filled with photos of good times spent with my classmates.

But I don’t want to relive them. I don’t wish that I was still here or that I could trade places or go back. Because there has been so much more that has happened since the last time I stood on this field.

You see, your days here, although there have been some wonderful ones, they don’t have to be the only glory days of your life. I appreciate and credit Pike for giving me a solid foundation. But understand, high school is a foundation, not a peak. So cherish your experience here, but build upon it. You won’t ever have these days again. Even if you refuse to move on, life still does. There is another class behind you waiting to rule the school. Your jersey will be passed down, your portrait will be hung in those sacred halls and no, you will not be forgotten, for you have accomplished much and are leaving a legacy.

Never forget what you have learned here, what you gained or where you came from, but don’t let your story end here. Get out there and start making new memories, accomplish more and add to your legacy because if you are willing to keep living life to the fullest as you have here, you’ve got bigger, better and brighter days ahead.

The second reality check is life is not about you. Sorry. I know this past year has been centered around you. There have been lots of activities and celebrations in your honor. And why not? You and your family certainly have a lot to be proud of. But the party is almost over and you’ll quickly realize thinking only of yourself will lead to a lot of frustration and disappointment later in life.
Don’t focus on what you can get out of life, what you deserve or what someone owes you. Instead think about what you can give. How will you contribute? Contrary what you may have heard, the world is not yours for the taking. But there sure is a lot of space to leave your footprint.

It’s unfortunate that we have taught your generation that personal satisfaction and fulfillment is where happiness lies. It really doesn’t. I have never once regretted taking the time to help someone else in need. On those days when you are not sure of your place in this world, offer an encouraging word or a smile, go volunteer or just get involved in something you believe in and the most amazing thing will happen to your spirit. Find a cause you believe in and get active. You will find that you complain less and hope for more. I have found that I am happiest when I am using the blessings and talents that I have to give back to others. There is great fulfillment in making the world just a little better. When you give of yourself, you will find the largest rewards.

Reality Check #3: Don’t go out in the world searching for yourself. You need to know who you are now. If you don’t, please figure it out. No one can tell you who you are-they may have opinions, but you have got to figure out for yourself who you are and where you are going. And there is no sense in packing your bags until you do. You will only waste time and money. Now, I didn’t say you had to know all the answers or have a step by step plan. In fact, if you do, you need to prepare for some surprises. Just know yourself. Know what your truths are. Know what you believe in, and more importantly know why you believe it. Knowing yourself isn’t about what you have learned or what knowledge you have retained. It means what you think, how you feel, how you approach problems and what your viewpoint is.

My father says that it really isn’t about being a success or a person of great achievement or distinction that matters; it’s the heart of the person that is the most important. Be a good person. Be a good student, a good son or daughter, a good neighbor, employee, a good friend. It’s a fairly simple concept but not always the easiest road. I know right now you are bombarded with challenges to define what success means and to set goals and aim high but don’t forget that the decisions you make along the way reflect the person you are. Making good decisions can make a good person. And making bad decisions, well… it makes for a lot of regret. So set your sights and work hard to achieve your dreams but don’t compromise who you are to get there or otherwise it will mean nothing.

Your Reality Check #4: Turn off the GPS system and think for yourself. Have you ever used a GPS? You don’t even have to think-just do what the voice tells you. And I love that it’s a woman’s voice—millions of men all over the world taking directions from a woman. But a digress, as Mrs. Betty Hixon used to tell us.

You see, people are full of directions. Quite possibly they are telling you now where you need to go and what you need to do. I’m not saying you should ignore the advice, but you need to figure out how to get there yourself.

I travel frequently for work and often times find myself in the car alone. I’ll have a map, directions or in some cases a GPS. I’ll be focused, aware of my surroundings, reading every road sign and taking mental notes of landmarks along the way. Not only do I need to find my way to wherever it is I am supposed to be, but I know I’ve got to remember how I’m going to get back home when it’s time to leave.

Every now and then, I will have a co-worker along with me or even a driver and I get to sit back and relax. When someone else is driving, I hardly pay any attention at all. Oh, I will take note of the scenery but if I had to make that return trip home by myself I would be totally lost. When I’m not responsible for my destination and someone else does all the work for me, it takes me much longer to get back to where I came from when I do get in the driver’s seat again.

And I have learned you can’t always rely on that GPS. Even sometimes the so-called experts can lead you wayward and when you have relied solely on someone else to get you where you are supposed to go and they turn out to be wrong, well then you will find yourself totally lost with no sense of how you got there or how to get back.

So know where you are going, get some direction, but then make sure you are in the driver’s seat, aware of your surroundings and thinking for yourself. Because you never know when you may need to get yourself back home.

And speaking of technology such as GPS brings me to my 5th reality check tonight: Put down the cell phone. We are quickly losing our ability to communicate with people because we are allowing text messages and facebook status updates to be our voice.

We are addicted to getting the most recent information in our work or social lives and yet we ignore the real life happenings right in front of our eyes.

We have lost the value of having real conversations with real people in exchange for a virtual life. Now, I promise that I am not advocating we throw our Blackberrys in the trash. My point is this: Learn to communicate. Face to face, real verbal communication.

There have been so many times, not unlike this very situation, where I was not the most intelligent person in the room. I wasn’t the most successful, the most attractive or even the most qualified. But I could get people’s attention simply because I could speak.

As a student right here at Pike, I learned that if I had something worth saying I needed to say it.
Your timing, approach and audience is, of course, everything-but if you have something worthwhile to say and you speak with just enough confidence, enough articulation and enough passion, people will listen.

You don’t have to offer answers when you speak, questions are good. In fact, questions are great. Some of the largest leadership positions I have found myself in started not because I immediately offered solutions. It was because I asked the right questions. So ask lots of questions, it will show interest, a willingness to learn and prove you are not afraid to speak up.

One day, you will find yourself in a room full of people that you really don’t know and you are supposed to be networking or connecting or just having casual conversation. And it will be horrifying and make you feel small and unimportant and then, the moment you decide that you are not going to hide in the corner, pretending to check email or text, and you put a smile on your face, stick out your hand and introduce yourself to a stranger, you will suddenly have the most amazing sensation of being very compelling and keen and assertive.

So find your real voice. It doesn’t have to be loud but it does need to be authentic. No one is going to hire you, vote for you, go out with you, recommend you or even want to help you if they don’t know you. And they can’t get to know you if you can’t have a real conversation with them. So please start practicing now.

And when you speak, look people in the eye. Even if they don’t remember exactly what you say, they will remember you.

And finally my last reality check of the night: You are not in control of your destiny. But there is good news, I happen to know who is and I hope you do too. God is real. And He really does have a plan for your life. I know that when you feel accomplished and feel independent that it’s really easy to focus on what you have done. But I choose to believe that anything good that I have is really not mine. God has blessed me with much. He has given me a wonderful family, two little girls that are healthy and smart and spunky and a husband that treats me better than I deserve.

God has allowed me opportunities to meet all kinds of people and see amazing things. God has given me talents that when I use them, I have a stirring in my spirit and I know I am fulfilling his purpose and calling for my life. God has taught me great things and I know he has many, many more ahead because in many ways I am still wondering in the wilderness.

I encourage you to stop and recognize what God has done in your life and thank him. When the going gets tough, get on your knees. When your world get chaotic and loud, stop and pray and just be still and listen. And when God gives you direction, obey and get going. I am thankful that I have a God who is in control and who loves me and when I don’t know where my next turn is, I trust that He does and He will be right beside me. In a life that is changing so fast, God is the one constant that will never fail you and offers the only plan that is perfect.

And now before I close, allow me to switch gears and address the parents of these graduates for just a moment. I failed to mention in the list of all my blessings my parents whom I am pretty sure have somehow found themselves back at another Pike Liberal Arts graduation. At almost 32 years old, I continue to get showered with their love, their encouragement and lots of advice. Some of which they offered when they learned I was going to be speaking tonight.

My mother offered her analogy of a shoestring. She says teaching your kids to tie their shoes can be the slowest, most frustrating process. It’s a lot of repetition and a lot of patience. But you do it because you don’t want your kids to trip and get hurt and you know you won’t always be with them to tie their shoes so they need to learn to do it for themselves. And then one day they get it and they get so excited and you are excited for them and thankful you don’t have to constantly be tending to their shoes. And then sets in that twinge of sadness that they are growing up and they don’t need you anymore.

Parents, your kids know how to tie their shoes now. They still may trip and may hurt themselves from time to time but they know what to do. Now, they will probably need you to buy their shoes every now and then so you will definitely be needed but it’s time to let them go and let them see what those shoes can do.

Your job is not over, but you have now been moved to part-time status. I understand the pay is the same however. Obviously you have done a great job-they are here, you worked hard to give them a great education and provided in every way you could. You should be celebrated and commended as well.

Congratulations Graduates. Don’t let these days be the best of your life. Don’t go through life focused only on yourself. Know who you are. When you start to make your way, pay attention and think for yourself so you know how to get to your destination and also how to get back home. Text less and talk more. Know that God is real and He has amazing plans for your life and find purpose in everything that you do, no matter where life leads you.

You have a great future Class of 2010. You are certainly entering into the real world during an interesting time. Be confident because I don’t think there is much you can mess up at this point. You have great opportunities because this nation desperately needs fresh vision, problem solvers and leaders who aren’t interested in what has always been done. Vote every opportunity you can. The issues at hand will affect you: healthcare, social reform, the environment and the list goes on and on. Our world is getting turned upside down at this very moment making room for voices just like yours that will make a difference.

And who knows? Maybe the next time our paths cross I will be the parent in the audience, trying to figure out how to let go of those shoestrings as one of you are where I stand today.
Good Luck and God Bless you.